"Eljo's - El Joke more like..."

A review of Eljo's by LMO1985 written on Saturday 19th of February 2011

After having only salad and fruit for lunch, I was looking forward to a spanish tapas feast for dinner immensely as well as a catch up with many friends. My 30 fellow diners and I booked our table for 8pm on a Friday evening with a pre-ordered set menu for £15 a head.

After being seated upstairs in a private room, at 3 separate tables (odd when party of 31 is altogether) the drinks took 20 minutes to arrive despite having our own 2 waitresses attending. We could tell we were in for a long evening...We ordered jugs of Sangria which was fresh and tasty and the only positive element of our evening at Eljo's.

As we sat and waited, and waited, and waited 2 small baskets of bread were brought to each table. Not nearly enough for a table of ravenous diners. Some did not even get one slice as there just wasn't enough. By this point it was 9pm and still no sign of any tapas dishes yet. After enquiring as to the whereabouts of our munch, we were simply told 'it's on its way...' Another 30 minutes passed and still no food. The sangria was beginning to take effect, as it would on an empty stomach, and everyone was growing increasingly impatient. We couldn't help but get the feeling were being plied with booze and tiny slices of bread to distract us from the lack of food.

After 9.30pm, an hour and a half after we sat down, the first dish arrived. Alone. 4 long wooden skewer sticks with 3 small pieces of what looked like, and turned out to be, very dry overcooked chicken. When asking if there was a sauce or dip to accompany this dry dish we were told 'there is none'. Not a jot like the Moroccan chicken we were promised. Undercooked potato chunks in a watery spicy sauce followed, one plateful, accompanied by a 4 deep fried prawns in batter which looked and tasted like something from Iceland. Again, one plate arrived as did the one plate of 5 calamari rings. To feed a table of 15! The other 2 tables had the same amount if less. It was clear at this point that the £15 cost per head was completely unjustified. The plate of meatballs arrived and there were only 5 on the plate. 5!!

The waitress then asked 'Can I get you some more calamari or anything?' It was then that we decided to cut our losses and abandon this meagre attempt at a meal. We complained about the lack of food and not only that but the appalling quality, or lack thereof. The manager then appeared sheepishly and innocently asked 'There is something wrong with the food?' To which my friend replied 'What food?! We haven't had any!' The food we did receive ended up being spat out in a plant pot on the balcony outside after my partner politely excused himself to go for a 'cigarette'. The manager/owner did not even apologise and tried to say that because we had eaten some of it we would have to pay the £15 per head. Our argument, and quite rightly so, was that we had been kept waiting for food for so long that we had to eat something since we were absolutely starving!

The manager then offered to reduce the cost to £10 per head. Obviously not catching on that the entire experience was abysmal. We then stated that we would be paying for our drinks, promptly donned our coats and left.

I dine out fairly regularly and not in fancy or expensive places either. Pizza Express being one of my favourites, I think I will remain a regular there. Never have I experienced such an excuse of a 'meal' if you could even call it that. A number of us had to go in past a late night take-away on the way home since we were still hungry and it was nearly midnight by the time we left. Absolutely shocking.

I understand that catering for a large number is tricky, especially at a busy weekend. But then that begs the question - why take a booking for such a large number if you cannot cope with it? In addition, why bother to ask people to pre-order if the food will not be served until you have been at the restaurant for 2 hours? Isn't the whole point of pre-ordering to save time and to be prepared?

It was great to see so many of my friends in the same place together and have a good catch up but do yourself a favour and stay well away from this place. Terrible service, terrible food and totally disappointed..

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